A few years ago, I wrote a blog post called Shit Recruiters Say, where I shared some of the funniest and most ridiculous recruiter messages I had seen. Today, I’m going to share another collection of funny and ridiculous messages, but this time, from a different source: Google Voice’s Voicemail Transcriptions.

Google Voice

Now that I’m spending a lot of time in Italy, I use Google Voice for a lot of my calls, as it offers free calls to the US. When someone leaves me a voicemail, Google Voice has a handy feature that automatically transcribes the voicemail and sends an email notification with the text. Normally, the transcription feature works reasonably well, but when my parents call and leave a voicemail in Russian, the results can be… amazing.


Good evening Point City. So it’s on Peter the venue shift chairs but not certain of course.

This was the first weird voicemail transcription I got by email, before I realized what was going on. I thought it might’ve been a wrong number, and I was accidentally seeing someone’s secret plan unfold. That’s affirmative Peter, the eagle has landed, I repeat, the eagle has landed.


Book group. I just need to recheck the clear myself okay.

OK, yea, sure, that sounds fine.


Bit it is a bank just let you a quick chicken

Sounds like something straight out of the Jive scene in Aeroplane! The actual voicemail did mention a bank, or more specifically, how I had gotten a new checkbook in the mail. Henceforth, the checkbook shall be instead known by the name “quick chicken.”


Pretty it’s unclear I teleport.

No no, that’s perfectly clear.


Please shut up cuz I’m at home, okay.

Hey now, let’s keep this civil.


Patriots Play tennis with Kendall established could slow it is for this m*******.

Woah, no need to get belligerent! I had no idea Google Voice would censor swearing.


Yes, I was when you called. That’s why the f*** up.

Yikes, who knew Google Voice could be so aggressive?


Baby, it’s so much Bye simile. Hi Joe cloud the inside of my food with allstate insurance dealer platinum buzz when you get done with your boots know that.

Oh yea baby.